Frame 34

Welcome one, welcome all.

I am always looking for that next girl that I will love.
Effort, nothing but effort put into this hunt.
I am all out...
I am ready to do it the right way.
I am not looking... I am not forcing.
I am "too nice" I am "too caring"
I apologize, but that is me...
This is me.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I am not pretending anymore, not playing games.
Not for you, not for anyone.
I hope no one is looking for me, because thats exactly when they will find me.
I will be waiting, but not for that.
I will be remembered.
For creating something great.
Define "great"
I am so optimistic that great exists everyday I wake up.
So join me on my journey to be a better person.
To make my family and friends proud.
To be everything my father and mother have raised me to be.
Here I am world.
And here I sit.
Untouched, and organic.

- Christopher Craig Elkendier.

Frame 33

Dear Christmas,

I have become some what of a professional.
Not a professional at Christmas, but at determining the beginning and end of things.
I have learned my boundaries. My limits one could say.
It's so sad that boundaries and limits exist.
I have begun to determine when someone is too much in control.
Then there is only one thing left to do.
That one thing is, limit that, or stop that.
How?
Well... that is more or less an art, not a profession.
I don't think it can be both.
Yeah, not both.
So here I am, an "artist"
I am ready for it to be over.
You are shallow.
Now that I am limiting things and not in the ending portion, I am shallow as well.

- signed,
Star so bright

Frame 32

Dear You,

You are so great.
We have so much in common.
I am so lucky to have someone like you in my life.
I can't wait to get to know you.
I could never get sick of you.

Fading.

I wish we could hang out more.
I love being near you, and taking you in.
We make such a great team.

Fading.

I don't know...
They said they weren't sure if I should date you.
I don't know what else to do.

Finally.

I have given up.
I have given in.
We should be friends and do everything the same... but just friends.

Signed,
You saw me coming from a mile away.
Girls like me, are not for guys like you.

Frame 31

Hey you,

Heres to nothing kid.
Heres to everything you've ever dreamed of.
All the money you can handle.
All the love you can give.
All the power you looked for.
All what I ask for is this one simple thing.
All what I ask for is something you normally take for granted anyway.
All what I ask for is your daylight.
Is your time.

Without time there is still love to give, but without time there is no way for the receiver to do just that, receive. I want to be there with friends, with family, with lovers, to give, to watch, and hopefully someday be the receiver to someone who has made the same sacrifice as me.

signed,
Choose anyone but me

Frame 30

I have experienced something new.
It's gorgeous.
Shes gorgeous.
It's so great to have someone to talk to about things that I like.
Its great to have someone who cares.
Whats the difference.
4?
At this point it doesn't matter.
All that matters is happiness.

Frame 29

Dear Pilgrims,

I have been waiting all this time
Its my turn
I am part Indian
I will let you hang out on my land
In return we will have this feast
I have an opinionated question though Pilgrim,
Is she too young?
"I don't know if she is, do you know her?"
I don't know anything...
"well theres your answer"
You're right...
"There are no do's and dont's only judgment"
Hmmm you're right...
"In the future, when we are all astronauts, this question will be no different"
You are right!

-The Indians. All of them.

Frame 28

Dear Connoisseurs ,

Dot.
Dot.
Dot.
I have outlined for you the most luscious portions.
My ankle is three times the size of the average.
It's full of something.
Meat I hope.
It feels delicious when I touch it.
I have outlined the three portions that look the most delicious.
I have prepped it for surgery.
It looks so delicious.

Signed,
A modest proposal.

Frame 27

Dear astronauts

I was wondering how I look from up there.
How many inches am I from my dreams.
How man centimeters am I from my parents.
I miss them, I miss being a kid.
I miss wishing I were one of you.
Now its too late... I cant be whatever I want to.
I should of enrolled in space camp.
We didn't have the money...
Did you go to space camp?
Sorry for being so intrusive, I was just curious.
Sometimes its hard to breath here...
I know, I am preaching to the choir..
But we don't need masks here like you do up there, yet we wear them.
Not to breath but to see, to see what its like to be in someone else's shoes.
I want to be in your boots.

Singed,
Previous me holding a Hi-C juice box.

Frame 26

Dear Worlds Largest McDonald's.

What are you doing!?
You are such a slacker, I am not impressed.
I was 16 and thats the BEST you could do...
You were a disgrace.
You should of been in rehab...
You only had one ketchup dispenser...
I bet the worlds smallest McDonald's had two.
I am not saying these things to hurt your feelings, I just...
I don't know, expected... more. You know?
I bet Ronald would vomit.
Did you fall to pieces while Ronald was at Dave's funeral?
No BBQ sauce?
My nuggets were bone dry.
Your lucky my best friend was with me.
My dad felt like a fool trying to impress his son and you let him down you terrible establishment you.

Signed,
Every kid that has ever driven through Oklahoma and read 46 billboards building up to you.

Frame 25

Hey guess what!
You're an adult now.
You were waiting this whole time to get here.
So... how is the special K?
Wait... are you eating cocoa crispies...?
I thought you were an adult now...

Me too, me too!
Then I had the urge...
is that so bad? Is it?

Well, I guess not.. but I just want you to know how important little things like this are.
I see you trying to act different and more adult like, you get so close but then you crack a joke.
Whats the deal... don't you want this?
I thought you did.

I do, I do... It's just... I think this is who I am.
You know... adult or not. I am just this way...
Jokes are me...

Well fine... but that wont get you very far.

Signed,
-Society

Frame 24: Halloween marks the first second

Welcome to 00:00:01 in my textual film

Today is Halloween. The day when everyone can be themselves.
No one thinks less of you. Except me.
I judge you, all of you.
I shouldn't, its a habit.
I am working on fixing it.
But if you would all work on the things I judge you on, I wouldn't have to judge you.
I can pick out where most people will end up.
Not me though, I don't know where I'll be.
That's how I want it though.
Just like this.
Are you judging me?
I am sure you are, there are things I do that bother you all...
They probably bother me too, I will add them to the list.
For Halloween today I think I will be a Environmentalist.
I will wear an organic tee shirt, and put a Gore sticker on my bike.
Why would they have ever made Gore bumper stickers... kind of ironic... hypocrite.
Tomorrow I will wash the Tee shirt in some pollutant...

Halloween is only one day. I will actually be something I am not.

- Signed
I'll add it to the list.

Frame 23

These posts weren't about you.

I never created this for you.

It is mine.

So no need to decode.

They are for a different purpose.

- signed
noteverythingisaboutyou.com

Frame 22

Dear Instrument I will never be good at,

I am ready.
Lets concentrate.
Lets finally put all of our effort into this.
Lets make this work.
Lets do some work so we can reach our goals.
I have been lazy.
I want to make something that will make people say "wow".
Like when I was in high school.
I never want to go back to high school.
Ehhh, it wasn't that bad.
Needless to say I am not going back.
I am too busy, making things.
Prospecting to make things that is, sorry.

- Signed my past self.

Frame 21

-Audience

There has been something creeping up on me lately.
A realization.
A conformation of something I believed when I was in single digits.
Four days ago I was riding my bike when I let out the hugest smile in months.
I let out a smile for the single reason that in that moment I was ecstatic.
I was so happy to just be alive.
Enjoying this day.
Feeling the cold wind against my face and the sun against my pupils.
I was brand new.
I was reassured of every question I had ever had.
There was no need for an explanation, it was given.

-Thank you.

signed,
Susan and Chris' son.

Frame 20

Dear alter girl

Stories of days passed seem so distant.
These are not stories that make me wait.
As days go on and my dreams list becomes thinner
and my goals list is made basically for beginners I sit and wonder
where yours lie.
When wardrobe changes and cues are no longer in your script.
When you have gone through so many stage hands that you
wonder what your forte is, your genre.
It's not like you to be typecast.
Will you prioritize when you are all done?
Or will you die in a transition.

- Darwin.

Frame 19

Dear Herbivore.

I don't think you know what you're doing.
You are in a church.
You might not know it yet, but its true.
Its more than a church, Tyler is in one.
You don't even believe in god?
How can you go to church if you don't believe in god??
It's more than a church I am sorry.
You're too young to be taking pills everyday.
You're to old to have fancy versions of cartoon shells.

signed yours truly,
Carnivore

Frame 18

Maybe skim milk wasn't enough, I always said drink 2%.

I have never left anyone out ever.

Ever.

Frame 17

I am wearing a salmon colored polo style shirt.

I am wearing Khaki shorts.

The Shirt is tucked in.

I am wearing a brown belt from the Gap.

I am wearing gray and white striped slip-ons from the Gap.

I am not wearing sox.

I am wearing gray and green striped boxer briefs from the Gap.

The stripes on the boxers are horizontal.

The stripes on the slip ons depend on where you are standing.

This is me today.

Tomorrow I will be new.

Frame 16

Everything is new.

School, my car, my life.

No time for anything really. Work Work Work Sleep. Golf. Repeat.

I have had a great summer, I wasted not a second.

Today the LA Film School called me.

I didn't answer.

Frame 15

And it drifts and it drifts never to regain said position

Never to reach a compromise

Never to behold the strength of bones mended after the break.

There is no calcium left, no calcium.

Frame 14

We always talk about years down the road. That moment when we finally realize what we have missed. That moment when we run into one another at the grocery store.

I was filming shots around town and saw this beautiful text sprayed across the whole side of a wall. I wonder if it was wrote for us.

Frame the 13th (like friday... but frame... ah fuck it)

I am a workaholic. When I am working I am obviously working. When I am not working I am still working. If this doesn't make sense you're only human, but figure it out. Today was my day off but I found myself at Peggy's house. Who is Peggy you might ask? Peggy is an unsettled customer who bought a brand called a Westinghouse. Wait...

Let me sum up the previous paragraph. Peggy is a fucking idiot and a terrible consumer.

I solved Peggy's problems. On my day off.

Next paragraph.

Tonight I think I met the girl of my dreams. She seemed a little young but age was tough to judge. Needless to say something drew me to her. Maybe she was a little intoxicated, maybe she was just a little bit overwhelming. Maybe I saw a little bit of myself in her that she couldn't see in me yet. None the less I am pretty sure I have fallen for this girl. The only problem is I have no idea who she is... I only met her and talked to her for about 10 minutes. You might be asking yourself "Why are you telling me this?" The truth is I have no idea why I am telling you this but I feel like its time and that you should know I finally found someone that will make me feel even better than I felt with that one girl I dated for those three years. Tonight is October thirty first, two thousand and four.

Take your advice, like what you like.

Frame 12

You didn't hold up your end of the deal.

This is one way messaging.

Frame 11

I heard you got yourself a new group of indie kids.

The type that ride bikes, with only one gear.

The type that wear V-necks all times of the year.

-The Yorks

Frame 10

This is the last fight I give away.

This summer has been pretty excellent thus far. I think back and realize that I would just be getting out of high school for the summer but I already feel like I accomplished so much already.

Old tricks, sleeping in and eating out. No matter how great of a time it is there is always something missing. It's always nice to spend your summer with someone. Especially someone who thinks your worth just as much as they are to you. These people are rare and distance is far, so I cherish every moment I have with her.

My dad is dead set on moving but my mom is having second thoughts. I just want them to be happy so if that means having one more summer in the sun here then moving then so be it. I can always visit.

I feel like life is the sandlot and I am smalls, everyone important has left one by one and I am the last one at the diamond...

Frame 9

Thinking about summer. Thinking about my family moving. Thinking about it all.

There is a man coming to look at our house tomorrow to see if he wants to buy it and my mom is a wreck about it because she doesn't want to part with it. My dad doesn't think we are going to sell it but my mother does. I think it will sell and they don't have any clue how different they are going to feel about it after its gone. I don't even have a clue how I am going to feel when it gone.

So many bands have came out with new CDs latley. Even though the CDs are new the memories are old because these are bands that used to mean a lot to me, and a lot more to me and other people. One album is in the mail that I have been waiting to come out for years and finally it's on its way and I can only hope it lives up to my expectations.

What to do for summer. What to do, what to do.

Hmm... What to do with my life.

Frame 8

isn't it terrible.

Waiting for something that isn't going to happen. We all do it. We all know that it's never going to happen yet we try to think it will.

A million memories. I feel like if I don't write them down they will fade eventually. I feel as if the only thing keeping those memories alive was our friendship. What happens now... Once they are gone what's left?

Frame 7

I am stressing out.

It only takes a few days to figure out things won't be the same. This is really hard.

My mom called to talk about selling the house today. She is really sad about selling it. Not as much as I am. She said if it doesn't sell this summer we might live there another year or two and fix it up. My dad thinks they are going to sell it though. I wouldn't be surprised if it sold, that would sum up my life lately. When you sell a house your selling memories. I wish we took more pictures in it.

I am not sure about the other situations in my life right now.

Frame 6

Things were so much easier when we hung out in my driveway.

There was nothing to argue about. There was nothing to get our hopes down. Sure it wasn't the most exciting moment of our lives but it is a moment that stayed with us. Now it's stress. It's pressure. We had it so easy then, no worries. Things will never be that simple again. Ever.

We were younger. We knew how to live then.

Frame 5

Last night was the last episode of The O.C. I have been watching this show since it began and haven't missed one episode. People make fun of me for watching it now, but when it came out everyone was watching it, and if you weren't you wished you were. It was a great show with a great final episode. I associate watching this show with Alison because every Thursday we knew what our plans would be. We would go to school and wait for 7pm when we could snuggle up on the couch and get into our favorite characters.

Those memories have been since filed away but not forgotten. Along with the show itself. I will forever be in debt to Seth Cohen for making a character I can relate to as far as fashion, musical taste, and relationships. This was the first show to accomplish this for me.

I will never be embarrassed for watching The O.C.

P.S. Also I cried.

Frame 4

Today was gorgeous and I finally finished my book "Love is a Mix Tape" by Rob Sheffield. I could really relate to this book. Well not the part about his wife dying from a pulmonary embolism but most of the other stuff. Don't worry I didn't just ruin the book for you. The book is basically a memoir about how his relationship with his wife was spawned solely of musical taste. Some people might think that this is shallow or stupid but music is a bond that can hold like no other. Needless to say I highly recommend this book. A lot of the music he likes, I don't like at all but it is way beyond the music. Reading about how that went to structure his relationships is amazing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson made a comeback into my life today. I did my first research paper on this essayist in grade school. Today I heard his name in my discussion class for Film 210. Then I heard it outside of class in the halls in a typical overzealous college elitist battle. Then when I was finishing my book Sheffield used a great quote from the book. Which is,

"I grieve that grief can teach me nothing"

Which I think is an amazing quote. Because its true to me and a lot of people around me. So there, now I feel like I served my Ralph Waldo Emerson duty for the day.

Frame 3

I feel like a transitional friend.

Frame 2

Today I finished a great book called Everyday Matters. It is a memoir of a man who lives in New York and one day his wife is waiting for the subway and slips and falls on the tracks only to be run over by the number 9 subway car as it enters the depot. She is then paralyzed from the waist down. The man then decides to start drawing and becomes an excellent artist. It is a great animated memoir of his observations and how his outlook on life has changed as well as his families. This short book shows the strength of family. No matter what life throws at you, you have to cope with it.

Today I talked to both my mother and my father and they are in different cities tonight but still share the same heart. It was nice to talk to them. Sometimes we fight sometimes we don't, but the one thing you have to remember is that it's family. Somewhere deep down you know through all of the arguments and issues that come up that there is that bond that makes you stronger than anything else can.

I watched Back to the Future parts I, II, and III tonight because it was on television. Then I watched Part II again because I never pay attention to that one for some reason. I have come to realize that there are so many holes in the Back to the Future movies but I cant go into them all in detail. For one, in Part III when Marty travels back to the wild west, would all of his ancestors look like him and his mother? That really does not make any sense. I understand they want them played by the same characters but its completely illogical. If I went back to my great great grandfather, it would probably be some Indian. Part III is starting again so I am going to try to find more holes in it. I will keep you updated.

I am excited about the music I am listening to as of late. I feel my musical taste has really matured and I have entered the "college music phase". I say this because all of my parents and their friends listen to the music they listened to in college now. I can defiantly see that happening to me. Nothing like growing into some alt-country. As my taste progresses in music so does Alison's taste. I think no matter where we are and if we have contact we will always share the same musical taste. This is great. I can tell exactly what type of person someone is just by looking at their playlist. It sounds stupid but I think Alison would agree with me on that point. I have many concerts coming up too. Some she will be at some she wont. I am not used to going to concerts without her and frankly they are never the same when she is not there. So I think tonight I will invite her to the Cold War Kids show thats coming up in Madison.

Well Back to the Future Part III is starting now so I best be on my way.

Frame 1

Lately I have been so confused. What do people want.

I don't understand happiness one bit. I feel like I could be extremely sick but still be so happy. It always seems like people want something they don't have but once they receive it they take it for granted and want something else. Once they get that thing, it's on to something new.

My father has been sick lately. I try to talk to him everyday but sometimes I can't call him because I am afraid he is going to tell me his test results from the hospital and I will be faced with a truth that I don't want to know. Somehow I feel like avoiding the situation all together solves it. Today he stopped into my work to see me. To see him walking around and smiling made my day. I love this man more than anything. He is my best friend and my number one support system. No matter what happens that will never change.

I don't have any structure what so ever to this whole blog thing and thought I would never make one again. The most difficult thing I think about making a blog is that you know exactly who reads it. So in some ways that alters your entries. This no longer makes it accurate because you are trying to dance around peoples feelings. That's why actual diaries are better because they hold the one thing that a blog cant which is truth. I am not going to tell anyone about this blog and still it will not be riddled with truth because I know someday Alison will find it and read every last entry of it. I guess that's why I am trying to keep my grammar so neat, just for her.

She really is... something. I have never met someone that can make me so angry and so ecstatic at the same time. I have always been somewhat a forgiving person, but with her I am more forgiving than I ever have been. I learn a lot from our experiences bad and good.

Today I was driving home from work and I was thinking about my experiences since high school that have been memorable. Things that can make you smile just by thinking about. I would say that Alison was involved in almost 97% of them. I sometimes wonder if she thinks the same thing. Hanging out with my friends is a blast but my friends have drifted so much since I met them in high school. They are still my best friends but we have different interests we have different opinions. With her we are almost always on the same page. To have someone so similar is amazing. Having a best friend like that has always been one of my dreams. I have made many friends in my new city but none like her, and I will always hold her above my friends here. I won't lie though, the distance between us has damaged us badly. I try to hide it sometimes, I think we try to hide it sometimes. When we talk now I feel our priorities are completely opposite to each others. We used to see each other every day and now we are lucky if we get a few hours every two to three weeks. When we talk though it feels nice, its comfortable. I base a lot of decisions on if it would disappoint her or not, because really I know I would be disappointing myself. She is my conscious. I relax I feel like I can finally tell my thoughts to someone who can relate and agree with me on my recent states. She is my pencil and paper, she is my diary.